So, one of my best friends, Nat Pat Fat Cat, has just found out she's preggers. About 5 weeks ago she posted on facebook: "I've just done something I may regret in 9 months time...."
No one was quite sure how seriously to take this.
The next status update was that she felt sick but blamed it on eating a mars bar followed by an omelet.
Then a few weeks later she posted on my wall that she had been 'impregnated' and she was coming up to visit me! How exciting!!
So we met for lunch. Having been a mother for 13 years now she rightly thought I would have some wise words for her, parenting tips, do's and dont's, what you need to buy and what you dont, etc, etc....
I was in my element.
She looked bored.
Eventually she said what was really on her mind, the real reason she'd chosen to ask my advice; "The thing is I'm really scared of... y'know....not being me any more, y'know, like I just really don't want to be MUMSY.....I mean how do you manage to not be mumsy?'
So, apparently, it turns out that I am the only 'non-mumsy mum' she knows. This is what she wanted my advice on. This is my greatest success. Whenever she stresses about becoming mumsy to her boyf he always remind her of me - the one (and only) non-mumsy mum they know.
I didn't know how to take this....I know she meant it as a compliment but I can't help but see it a personal failing, like a missed transitional period where I was meant to go from self obsessed teen to mother-earth-with-a-pinny-and-wide-hips-mumsy. I mean, I've been doing this mothering gig for long enough now that I'd kinda hoped some mumsy-ness would show through.
"MY NAMES MUM!!" I shout at my son when he calls me by my first name. But maybe its not him I'm trying to convince! Even after 13 years of signing myself off as 'Mum' in cards and texts, I still feel a bit like an impostor when I look at it!
Someone today said I looked like Avril Lavigne, bloody Avril Lavigne for gods sake, what is she, like 12?!!?? Admittedly I was aiming for the early 90's grunge look after some unconfident hairdresser went and gave me a 'Rachel cut' and I wasn't quite sure which way to go with it but at 30 I should probably be aiming to at least look like an adult. Not just an adult, I wanna be MUMSY GODDAM IT!!!
....Cos I know the second Nat Pat Fat Cat produces this little human she is gonna be so so mumsy and she won't even care.....in fact she'll love it-I know she will-I've seen it happen so many times! And I'll be left looking like my son's big sister trying to be bloody Avril Lavigne!