Friday, 26 February 2010

Teenage mum stereotypes

There have been a lot of stereotypes banded around in the media this week. None of them I recognise, ALL of them offensive. Whatever you say to people they have this image in their head of what a 'teen mum' is and they will not change it. So, I thought I'd have a go at creating my own young mum stereotypes*.

WARNING: these stereotypes may offend Daily Mail readers

The old-before-her-time young mum.
You know the girl who has looked like a mum since she was 11? She organises everyone and everything, sorts everyone else out and always puts her hand up first to volunteer-that's if she's not the one asking for volunteers. She gets pregnant young but no-one gives her a second look because she already looks middle age and carries more confidence that any teacher at school. She is in her element having children, the more children she has the more organised she gets. She has a million other projects going on too, all of them she is in charge of. She's also the one teaching the older mums to breastfeed. This girl does not sit down and never looks tired. No one is sure if a dad is around or not but if he is you can be sure he is doing exactly as he's told.

The student young mum
You sometimes see this pretty student mum around college with her shiny mahogany hair and retro school bag. She looks like a normal student but there's something else there that's driving her to get those top grades. She appears lost sometimes and part of you wants to scoop her up and look after her, then you see her with her child and realise she's exactly where she want to be, and she's gonna be fine, more than fine in fact. Next time you see her she'll have probably just graduated from Oxford or somewhere.

The hippy young mum
Hippy mum does her own thing. She knits, sews, bakes, she may even home school her kids. Hippy mum hates convention and doing things just because other people think its right. Her kids are messy but loved, hectic but always entertained. People may look down on her but shes hasn't even noticed-She's too busy making jam or tie dying kid's t-shirts.

The in-love young mum
The in love mum is one half on the sickening couple that used to walk round school holding hands. They would frequently be seen snogging on the bench at lunch times. They share an email address like They call each other's parents mum and dad. In fact, you don't know whose family is whose it's all so intertwined. Of course they have a baby when they're young. They have been together since they were both 6. 10 years together and they are practically an old married couple. Having kids is the natural progression to complete to picture. You gotta admit its sweet, if slightly sickly, and Paul will work his butt off to provide for his little traditional family.

The hard-as-nails young mum
Hard as nails mum is a strong independent women. She may have had a tough upbringing and as a teenager was a total nightmare. Its likely she was into drink and drugs and all that stuff. That is, until the day she finds out she's up the duff. From that on this girl becomes 'hard as nails mum'-all that rebelious energy she has goes into doing everything she possibly can for her child and she doesn't care about anything else. If you dare to look down at her or her child she will tell you exactly what she thinks of you. Nothing will come in the way of this mum providing for her family. She will rely on no one to ensure that no one lets them down. Underneath it though she has a heart of gold.

*none of these are based on real people and I apologise if you notice any similarities with yourself!

Wednesday, 24 February 2010

The Spice Girls sold me a lie

When people ask what my boyfriend does I say he is a self employed carpenter. Oh how useful, people with boyfriends with normal jobs but who are just a bit shit at DIY always say. You Reckon? You wanna swap? I try not to say out loud.

In reality, and particularly with the whole recession thing, being a self employed carpenter means going for months on end without a job. I'd like to say that I'm a supportive and understanding girlfriend but I'm afraid I'm not! - I moan at him about it every day! It's one thing being skint after paying your own bills but quite another thing being skint after paying someone else's.

According to the Job Centre though I earn enough to support us both. Really? Have you seen how much my boyfriend eats? He's like twice the size of me at least! I really don't remember signing up for this. Sometimes I think WAGS/gold diggers have the right idea. Suddenly they don't seem so dumb afterall. While we think we're choosing financial independence we're actually doing ourselves out of a lot free pairs of shoes, or even being able to afford new shoes at all after paying the boyfriend's van insurance and phone bill. So much for Girl Power. My boyfriend says that I stress too much but I'd just like him to stress a little more. His eternal confidence that 'something will turn up' wears a little thin after 8 years! I would have chucked him out a number of times by now if I didn't know he'd just bring up the old 'squatters rights' thing again!

So anyway, I wanted to post this earlier but didn't want to tempt fate. On Monday my boyfriend went to see about a permanent kitchen fitter job. It's another world for tradesmen - You go to 'see' about a job, which involves turning up in jeans and chatting about fishing. Then you either never hear back, get told the job doesn't exist afterall or they ask you to start the next day. 9.9 times out of 10 its one of the first two options. My Boyfriend was asked to start today.

I don't quite feel like I can relax yet but it was really nice to leave the house for work this morning knowing his lazy ass wasn't still in bed. I guess I'll have to find something else to moan at him about now......

Friday, 19 February 2010

Brothers and Sisters

Dear father of my child,
Although I think you are a complete b (which I'm sure you know), I would just like to thank you for having so many children. Even though you did it for different reasons, I am glad that my son has siblings and I don't have to feel guilty for having an only child. I also think that you have very good taste in the mothers you choose. This is the only thing I will ever admit that you are good at however and also the only thing that I will ever thank you for.
From the mother of one of your children, who are all beautiful and adorable (because you choose such good mothers!)

Thursday, 18 February 2010


On my way to the shops in the snow a car pulled up near me and beeped its horn a number of times. I looked over but the car was too far away to see who it was, the door opened slightly then closed, so I carried on walking. The car then did a U turn and pulled up right by me and again beeped its horn - Ok, this must be someone I know I thought peering in the window.
It seemed not.

"Are you ok? You look really cold" said the complete stranger.
"Er, yeah I'm fine"
"You look frozen"
"You stopped me because you thought I was frozen?" (Do I look that bad???)
"Well, I thought you had a nice smile too"
"But I wasn't smiling...."
"Look, where you are going, I'll give you a lift" he said as he opened his car door expecting me to just jump in.
"Erm...I don't think so mate"
"Ok, wait, I'll pull over"
Wait? WTF for???

He parked up and ran after me. Ok. that sounds scarier than it actually was. So he maybe just jogged gently. In retrospect I could have walked faster.

"Look you don't do things like that, you could get arrested" I told him, still walking.
"Arrested? Why?"
"Because it's not normal, I don't know you. Why would I just get in your car?"
"But you look really nice"
"But you don't know me. Do you do this to all girls you see?"
"No, I've never met a girl like you before"
"You've not met me. You are just following me"
"I just saw you looking cold and I wondered whether you had any place to go"
"So, what? I look like I'm a homeless person now?" (What am I like -this is not the right time to be fishing for compliments!)
"Look, do you have a number? Or a pen, I could give you mine"
"No, I don't and anyway, to be honest, I think you're a bit strange"
He looked genuinely hurt.
"It's just not normal to do things like this" I reiterated,
Disheartened, he slowed down 'Just tell me your name then...." he pleaded.
Oh, what the hell. What harm can it do.
"Next time we meet..."
Yeah, yeah, whatever - I didn't hear rest.

I got my shopping and walked home to find this in the road right outside my house-If you can't read it says - 'I love you (my name)' and a heart in the snow....

Apparently, and very uncharacteristically, this was my boyfriend's idea of a romantic gesture while I was at the shops...I'm not sure whether to be relieved or slightly disappointed! (0bviously relieved would to be the appropriate reaction).

"You always attract the weirdos" said my boyfriend when I told him of my ordeal. Yes darling, and some I never get rid of...

Sunday, 14 February 2010

My Valentine's day

Woke up later than planned, got the son up, spent 20 minutes searching for his other football sock, realized his football top had missed the washing machine so scrubbed the mud off and stuck it in the dryer quickly, realized we had ran out of milk, rang the linesman and asked him to pick some milk up on the way round, boyfriend decides to emerge from the bedroom, linesman turns up at the door with milk as requested. "Happy Valentines Day" he calls out as I let him in.
Boyfriend: "What? oh.... ssshit!"

Saturday, 13 February 2010

It took a long time to get here but....

Finally, at the grand age of 30, I have managed to bake cakes that look just like Grandma's!

Friday, 12 February 2010

Sweetest sound*

*I may delete this post when I decide to resume my son's anonymity!

By far my favouritest sound in the world is listening to my son play the piano. He has a magical gift that makes everything he plays sound beautiful. I knew there was something special there when at around 3 years old he picked up his tiny yellow 'baby piano' and played twinkle twinkle little star note perfect. When I saw his music teacher last night she squealed "Erik the pianist!! Erik the pianist!" (no, not penis, as my boyfriend chose to mishear when I relayed the story to him ). He's never had a piano lesson in his life so he plays because he loves it and you can hear that in the way he plays. I don't know where he gets it from but I am so grateful for all the times I've heard him playing and my mood has instantly lifted. My son, the pianist.

The door to reality

I think I'm going slightly mad. The reason I think this is due to the following recent events;

1. First, I was on a course the other day and someone asked me 'Is the next workshop in March?'
'Is the next workshop in March?'
'Is the next workshop in March?'

He looked at me in despair, gave out an exasperated sigh before giving up and asking someone else.
'Oh right, sorry, I completely forgot what the word March meant!' Ha ha, this is cute right? Guys love this. Actually, this guy was cute too.
Apparently though it wasn't cute. Judging by the look he gave me it was just odd. Damn.

2. Then at work I said the word 'horse' instead of the word 'car'. My boyfriend thinks this is hilarious and keeps randomly shouting the word "HORSE!" at me at inappropriate moments. No one at work found it funny, they were just slightly concerned.

3. This morning, as I left to go to work, I happily drove from my house in completely the opposite direction to work for about 7 or even 8 minutes before realizing, and work is only usually about 10 minutes away....

Still, I'm sure I read somewhere that if you're aware of your madness then you are not actually mad-that's what I'm sticking to anyway. My son drew me a picture today;
'Do you get it?'
'Of course I do' I lied.
'Well you have to be crazy to understand it' he said before explaining that the thing on the bottom right is the 'door to reality'.
'My head was a bit mad when I drew it' he said.

As he explained the rest of his picture I couldn't help thinking that that sign on the door to reality really does need to be a bit clearer.

Thursday, 11 February 2010

He never stops talking

Just got back from parents evening. Saw about 7 different teachers but to be honest I could have just seen the first one, recorded it and played it back 6 times. Every teacher said the same thing. He's doing brilliantly but he just never stops talking. The thing is I'm not sure what I can do about this. Without being there it feels like there's very little I can do. I mean isn't that their job?* I doubt he remembers a word I say when he gets to school. Plus, part of me feels that this is just part of his character. I love hearing my son chat away. I worry when he's quiet. This may sound like I'm bias in loving the sound of my son's voice but it appears the teachers feel the same way;

"I just can't tell him to stop because he's so lovely"
"He's so funny I have to look away so he can't see me laughing"
"There's something so adorable about him that makes it impossible to tell him off"

Great, so my son has somehow put a spell on all the teachers so he can get away with doing exactly what he pleases.

Never have I been more proud!

*oh god, I'm turning into one of those terrible mums who refuses to take any responsibility for their child's behavior!

Wednesday, 10 February 2010

Let's talk about Sex

I have always very felt very strongly that I want my son to be able to talk to me about anything. When he was about 5 I drew him diagrams of where babies came from. When he was about 9, after much research, I bought him a fabulous book called Lets Talk about Sex. But lately I've been a bit lazy. The book hasn't moved from the bookshelf in about 4 years and there are other things I probably should have talked to him about by now. He's a teenager already and I've not even told him not to take drugs yet. In fact we haven't talked about drugs since he did his science project on cannabis last year when he concluded it should be legalised.

And the last time I mentioned testicles he thought it was a made up word (don't worry-this was some time ago).

So today, when I went in to say goodnight, I perched on the edge of his bed and said 'Darling, you know that you can talk to me whenever you want. You can talk to me about anything; puberty, sex, drugs, alcohol, families..." well, may as well get it all out the way in one go. I thought I'd exhausted every topic, no wait,".......death" there, that was everything.
'Has anyone died? '
'No, but you might be worried about it still.'
'Should I be?'
'Well no, but if you were you know you can talk to me about it....'


'....well, I'm glad we had this chat son.....

....Do you have any other questions you want to ask me? Anything you don't quite understand?'

'When are you bringing up my cup of tea?'


I brought up his tea and two biscuits placed on a book I found.
'What's that book?'
'Oh nothing darling, just something to put the biscuits on'

He looked at the book and screwed up his face 'Lets Talk about Sex?????'

"Oh, now that sounds like a good idea!"

I think that was the point my son growled and pulled his quilt up over his head. Nevermind, I'll have to try again tomorrow....

Monday, 8 February 2010

Just for me

If anyone knows me then they'll know that my skills are not in the kitchen. I'm still not sure where they are but I know they are not there. However, a good few years ago I discovered that I could put together a pretty good Tiramisu. I was told you couldn't go wrong with Tiramisu and this must be true because, believe me, if there was a way that it could go wrong I would have found it. So basically now every time we get invited out and I am expected to bring something it is always Tiramisu. I have tried to vary it but it always ends in some disaster that I've been too embarrassed to bring so have had to resort to taking the 'pass-it-on-wine' (pass-it-on-wine is when someone brings you wine you don't like, so you keep it to pass on to others-it's always good to have a nice collection of pass-it-on-wine for emergency situations).
Anyway, Tiramisu is also my favourite pudding ever, but whenever I take it anywhere it goes so quickly I'm lucky if I even get a decent spoon full. So, today, for the first time ever, I made Tiramisu just for me. Well, I said I would share it with the boyfriend and son, but if I happen to get up early to test it and it happens to then all disappear then I really can't be blamed. Did I mention how much I love Tiramisu? I really should try spending more time in the kitchen-I never knew it could actually be enjoyable....

Saturday, 6 February 2010

Important Issues

I recently got something in the post asking about what 3 issues were important me.

This got me thinking...

1. Paying for tampons
It's bad enough having periods but I totally resent PAYING for Tampax on top of feeling like shit. I know it's not a lot of money but it's the principle. I bet if men had periods they would have invented a period fairy who delivers Tampax to your door free of charge by now. Then we could spend the money saved on much needed chocolate instead.

2. Services for adults with Aspergers
It is highly probable that both Isaac Newton and Einstein had 'high functioning Aspergers'. Can you really see them going to Monday Club and doing pottery? Would they have been classed as 'disabled'? Would they have had minimum wage carers paid to watch over them? Would they have automatically been treated the same as those with learning difficulties? Everyone now claims to be an expert on this 'new thing' called Aspergers but maybe it was actually better when they weren't and people were just treated as individuals.

3. Domestic violence
This isn't something I talk about much (ever) but my ex was quite partial to a bit of physical and mental abuse. I know this. The girlfriend before me knows. The girlfriend after me knows this. The next girlfriend is unlikely to know this....yet. It just seems like something could be done, that doesn't need to involve any of us acting like psycho ex's seeking revenge.

However, it seemed a bit over the top to try and put all this on the form so in the end I think I ticked the boxes 'economy', 'education' and 'health'!

Thursday, 4 February 2010

We live in a democracy

Yesterday my boyfriend called me at work: 'When are you are coming home because we need to have a family meeting?'

Shit, this sounded serious... 'What's it about?'

'I can't say till you get home'

30 minutes later I was sat at the dining table. After a few hushed whispers they came out with it:

'We think we should be unbanned from the x-box', they said in unison.

I rushed home for this.

I banned the x-box a few days ago because I wanted them to realise that there is more to life-clearly this didn't work.

'We live in a democracy-lets put it to a vote', my son piped up

They think I'm so stupid, 'Well a democracy still needs a strong leadership, so instead we should vote for a leader'

There is no way my son and boyfriend would vote for each other to be leader. This x-box is the single thing they both agree on - I am by far the most trusted and respected in this household.

boyfriend 1 vote
me 0 votes
son 2 votes

Damn I think I went wrong somewhere.

So my son is now 'leader' of the household.

The boyfriend was appointed 'General' (in case we go to war) and I was appointed Head of Finance (naturally) then boyfriend was appointed Head of Security after I threatened to go out to the pub.
I was quite impressed though that the leadership's mantra was all about fairness. After appointing me his 'adviser' my son decided an hour between them both on the x-box was fair and the boyfriend could have half an hour more after 10 if he had done all his jobs. I was put on night watch duties to enforce this.

Today, however, I think the power has gone to his head. He has made up a 'national anthem' which is in his own special language but translates to mean something about him being the greatest. He has decided to write down his rules but said that he will take inspiration from Animal Farm. As his adviser I have warned him I see rebellion on the cards. The boyfriend has uttered grumblings of discontent already (between attempts to declare war) and I'm losing patience with it all too (after being put 'in charge of washing up'). So my son now says he believes in 'dictatorship' rather than democracy. It all seems to be going horribly wrong.

I might change my mind about supporting lowering the voting age after all. I don't think 3 years will be enough to undo the damage this has done to my sons grasp on politics!