Monday, 14 June 2010

Step families

The boyf's BFF has just split up with his girlf. They've lived together for a while and she has two kids from a previous relationship, who are now teenagers. Apparently he's left cos she wouldn't back him up when he tried to set rules for kids.
"Is he gonna still see the kids?" I asked they boyf.
"Nah, they never really liked him anyway," was his reply.

There are so many things I want to say I don't know where to start. With (unofficial) step families I guess things are always less certain. It's hard to forget that sometimes. I don't think my boyfs about to walk out on us or anything. He's not a complete fool-despite all the crap I give him he knows he's on to a good thing! I do sometimes wonder what would happen if I wasn't here though, how strong their bond would be...

Sometimes it's like having two kids the way they bicker. I often get called in to resolve pointless disagreements. And then he has the nerve to suggest to me that I'm too soft because I treated my son to a bit of retail therapy after his stressful guitar exam this weekend, like I can't decide for myself when to treat my own child (even if I did get a bit carried away)!  Often I wonder if this is how step families are meant to be!

So today I asked if my son would feel more or less (I didn't want to influence the response) secure if me and D (the boyf) were married.
"Less" he said straight away, "it would be like Chandler in Friends"
"Huh? You're worried about having a transvestite as a father?"
He gave me that look that means I've said something inappropriate and out of context - I get it a lot these days.
"No, like Chandler only wanted to have an affair when he was scared of the commitment of marriage"- Oh right, I'm proud that my son hasn't been indoctrinated by the Tories vision of the perfect family, even if his main point of reference is Chandler from Friends.

Anyway, we somehow got onto the subject of what would happen if I died.
"I'd want to stay with D" my son said straight away.
Then D started pestering me again that I needed to get something sorted out that meant he would have responsibility if, y'know, anything were to happen. I know, I know. Or maybe I didn't know. They then started planning their lives together after my death....
"We'd have a better quality of life cos there'd be no mortgage to pay...", my son worked out.
"...So we'd have more to pay for strippers and dirty movies and lottery tickets" D added.
Even though I should have been offended (especially the lottery thing-D knows how much that winds me up) it's nice to hear that after almost 9 years they don't just tolerate each other cos they have to. It made me smile inside.

"I wouldn't want to live with anyone else," my son reiterated "...cos then I'd lose my x-box live and I'd have to level up again..."

Hmmm. Like step father like step son....


  1. I am staying in touch with my step daughter even though I am divorcing her dad! She has grown up with me in her life since she was 3 and loves me and my 2 kids. Hope we can stay close.

  2. Thanks Becky! That's the kind of thing I wanted to hear! My boyf's uncle has stayed in touch with his step daughter and she's well into her 30's now. So it can work!

  3. It's so hard isn't it...but your post made me smile....a lot. They both sound like wonderful people.