Stay with me baby

In approx. four years time my child could be leaving home, he may no longer sleep here every night and I may no longer see him every day. When people ask if I would ever have more children I say why would I start again? The sooner it gets to the time when I will be child free the sillier having another child seems. In four years I could be free. I could go anywhere, do anything. Only four years; its like a countdown...

My son is on a school trip for 3 days next week and I have reluctantly agreed to let him stay over at not one but two sleep overs this weekend. I don't want him to. At first I refused. He acted like his life depending on attending both sleepovers. He told me he'd been revising really hard and after his exam he thought he deserved it. He was right. I thought that he deserved it too but I didn't say this because I didn't want him to go. I didn't want him to go because I wanted him to say with me. I didn't want to not see him for 5 nights out of one week. But I couldn't say this either. I couldn't tell him I wanted him to stay cos I'd miss him. I want him to be independent, not worry about him mum sitting at home feeling lonely. I could go out but I don't feel like it. I miss my boy and he's not even gone anywhere yet. Oh god, what am I gonna be like when he leaves home? If I can't cope with 5 days how will I cope with forever? How will I not be embarrassingly clingy and desperate? I don't want to be free any more. I want my baby here and I don't want another baby, I want MY baby, the baby I've grown up with for the last 14 years, here with me forever!!

Ok, I have approx. four years to deal with this before I ruin my son's life and any potential he has to be a well-rounded normal human being! Maybe I'll feel more stable when I'm off my period....