It's that time of the month again and I'm a complete emotional mess! Maybe I need to see someone about this - I'm not sure its normal any more! I've taken to just being open about it. 'I'm on my period' I declare to my male work colleagues just in case they notice anything different. They seem to appreciate the heads up! My brain is mush. My moods are all over the place. I cry for no reason....
'Why are you eyes all red?' my son asks
'Oh, I'm fine, not upset, just being all emotional. Silly really. It's a girl thing...'
What a stupid dumb ass thing to say I realised when he responds with
'So why do I get emotional then?'
I give him a big hug. He can be a sensitive soul at times but I never want him to see this as a weakness. Last week I let him look at my 'letter to my pregnant self'. I thought I'd leave him alone to read it while I went to make a cup of tea... A few seconds later I hear him calling me and I go up to see him standing at the top of the stairs with tears in his eyes. 'Mum! I do think you're cool' he wailed!
He had obviously read my 'P.s. Even though you are young you will never be considered 'cool' in the eyes of your son'. TBH when I saw that in print I regretted putting it. But its what I always get asked, 'I bet your kid thinks you're so cool', like I'm some kinda cool big sister. I'm still his mum FFS!
Then when my dad read my letter he said that was the 'best bit' because it showed being a young mum wasn't all positive! Gee thanks Dad-ever the emotional one! (My mum wasn't much better. She laughed through reading it. Other parents CRIED when they read their daughters' letters you know. No wonder I have issues!)
Anyway my son has taken objection to this line.
'I think you're the coolest mum in the world' he said, half sobbing. I hugged him tighter.
'I know you do darling... I just meant that I'm still a bit embarrassing sometimes.' That he seemed to agree with.
I guess it's easy to blame emotions on periods and 'being a girl' but maybe I shouldn't. Yes I've been a total freakazoid the last few days but there have been some bloody good reasons. So maybe in a few days these reason may seem less paramount to my daily life, maybe 99% of the time my son doesn't really think that I'm the coolest mum in the word, but emotions are as real as they feel at the time..... and this is what I should be saying to my son...